Not Everyone Feels Festive: A December Reality Check

Skellington from Tom Burton movie “Nightmare Before Christmas”

As we move into December, the world around us tends to shift gears. There’s a collective pressure to celebrate, join in, show up, be cheerful, be social, be “on.” For some, this time of year brings genuine joy and connection. For many others, it brings weight, pressure and overwhelm. Maybe even both, maybe there’s complex feelings.

And often, the people most affected are the ones sitting quietly beside us.

So why is this time of year so hard?

There are countless reasons someone may find the end-of-year period challenging, and most of them remain invisible. Let’s explore.

1. Grief, loss and longing

Some of us are adjusting to life without someone we love. Others carry ongoing grief that becomes sharper in periods of celebration or reflection.
People experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss may feel a deep ache when surrounded by families or questions about “future plans.”

2. Estrangement and complex family dynamics

Not all families feel safe. For many, being in the same room with people tied to painful histories or ruptured relationships can be re-traumatising. Estrangement is often a necessity, not a choice.

3. Illness, mental health challenges and invisible burdens

Chronic illness, fatigue, disability, neurodivergence, depression and anxiety can all intensify as routines change, environments become overstimulating and social expectations increase. Many people aren’t ready to talk about what they’re carrying, or feel misunderstood when people perceive them as a downer, despite their wish to feel differently.

4. Relationship strain

This period often magnifies existing stress. Some Australian divorce-support services report a sharp increase in separation enquiries over December and early January (one platform recently logged a 40% rise). Behind every statistic are real people navigating upheaval at one of the hardest times of the year.

5. Parenting apart, blended families, or missing children

For separated parents, shared care can mean spending meaningful dates without their children. This can be heartbreaking and lonely. Blended families may be managing complex schedules, emotional dynamics or long-standing tensions.

6. Financial pressure

The end of the year is one of the most financially stressful periods. The pressure to contribute, travel, give gifts or “keep up” can bring shame, sadness and a sense of falling short.

7. Sensory and emotional overwhelm

For neurodivergent people, this time can be intensely overstimulating. For people with trauma histories, it can trigger shame, shutdown or survival responses. For those living with mental or physical health conditions, even small tasks can feel insurmountable.

An Invitation to Empathy

If this time of year brings you joy, connection or celebration, that’s something to embrace. And alongside that, it’s worth remembering that many people in your world may be moving through a very different emotional season. Empathy isn’t pity or tiptoeing; it’s widening your understanding. The same period that feels warm and festive for some can feel heavy, painful or overwhelming for others. You never know who is grieving, stressed about money, navigating illness, managing relationship breakdown, feeling lonely, or simply trying to make it through the season.

Empathy shows up in the small choices we make. Offering options rather than pressure lets people participate on their own terms: “Join us if it feels right,” instead of “You have to be there.” Checking in instead of assuming creates safety for honest conversations about how someone is really coping. Creating slower, quieter or sensory friendly moments can support people who find this time overstimulating or emotionally intense. And noticing when someone withdraws, is going quiet, stepping away, or keeping busy, allows you to gently offer support without forcing connection.

A few simple practices can help:

• Offer choices, not obligations, and check in with genuine curiosity.

• Create calmer options where possible, and make it easy for people to come and go as they need.

Making space for people to show up as they are is one of the most profound forms of care. Some will be energised, others quiet. Some will stay briefly, others may need to leave early. Letting people decline, change their mind, or take a breather without judgement honours their wellbeing and autonomy. You don’t need to share someone’s experience to care about it. Empathy is recognising that people carry invisible stories, that everyone deserves dignity and choice, and that a little softness can make this season far more manageable for the people who need it most.

If You’re the One Who Struggles: You’re Not Alone

Here are some supports to help you care for yourself through December.

1. Boundaries anchored in your wellbeing

You’re allowed to choose how you spend your time. This might mean shorter visits, skipping events, spending time with people who feel safe, or choosing rest instead of obligation.

If someone pushes back, it doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong. It often means the boundary is effective.

A simple line:
“That doesn’t work for me, but here’s what I can do.”

2. Soothing shame when it rises

Shame appears when we fear judgement, failure, or disappointing others. It also shows up when our nervous system senses threat.

Try:

• Hand on your chest or abdomen

• Slow, steady breaths

• A brief pause outside or in a quiet room

• Texting someone safe

• Reminding yourself quietly: “I’m allowed to take care of myself.”

3. Nervous system regulation tools

• Slowing down, intentional movement, even slowing down the way you clean a bench for example.

• Progressively squeeze and release muscles in the hands, jaw, shoulders, and face

• Deep breaths before responding, (see the physiological sigh)

• Short sensory breaks

• Softer lighting and sound where possible

• Scheduling quieter days between social demands

4. Helpful scripts for expressing your needs

Short, clear statements build confidence and protect your energy.

• “I’m not up for that conversation today.”

• “I need some space.”

• “I’m pacing myself this year.”

• “I can come for a while, then I’ll head home.”

• “Please don’t comment on my body, food choices, or personal life.”

• “I’m making decisions that are healthiest for me.”

• “My decision makes sense to me.”

• “Thank you for your concern, but I am sure.”

Your needs do not require justification.

5. Preparing for the harder moments

Think about:

• Who you can check in with

• What helps you reset when overstimulated

• How you’ll know you’re reaching your limit

• Where you can take a breather

• Your exit plan if you need to leave early

Self care is both protective and courageous.

How We Can Care for Each Other This Season

If there’s one message worth holding close, it’s this:

You never know what December means for the person in front of you.

A small adjustment in tone or expectation might offer someone relief they’ll remember long after the season is over.

Compassion doesn’t cost much. Its impact is enormous.

Support Services

• Lifeline: 13 11 14

• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

• 1800 RESPECT (family and domestic violence support)

• Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800

• Local community centres and support services

• Your GP or mental health professional

And if you’re connected with SJP Wellbeing, please reach out if you need support. You don’t need to carry everything alone.

Final Thought

You are allowed to honour your limits.
You are allowed to choose connection that feels safe.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to show up in the way that’s right for you.

And if you know someone who might need a softer, more spacious December, may you be the person who helps create that for them.